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Month: July 2023

What to do if your Son Gets Someone Pregnant?

Posted on by joeadmin

 

As a parent, you receive news and updates from your son on a regular basis. “I got a ‘B’ on the algebra test you helped me study for.” Or, “I made the team! I can’t wait to play this year!” News that they are happy to share and you are excited to hear. So if your son recently shared with you the news that they got someone pregnant, it may be a difficult time for you both. You are not alone. There will be thousands of teen pregnancies each year. (1)  Thousands of families face this challenge successfully. This article will discuss ways to support and guide your son through this experience and to a healthy future.

Processing The News

This news is bound to be disappointing and have far more gravity than a low test score or missing the team roster. A parent’s first instinct may be to adopt a “you got yourself in the mess, get yourself out” approach to the situation. But that’s not best. As Drs. Bailey and Wilson-Wilborn of the Teen+ Project comment: 

“Rather than debating whether teen pregnancy/parenting is wrong, which does nothing to help teens who are already on a path towards parenthood, let’s agree that teen parenting/pregnancy is not a lifestyle designed for teens to successfully handle.” (2) 

If you want your son to successfully handle the reality of the pregnancy and beyond, he’ll need your support. You as a parent will need to recognize and process your feelings so that you will be there to support him. You and your son need to build or maintain good communication skills. Your son may not fully grasp the situation. Possible thoughts teen dads may need to process are: 

  • They may not want their babies.
  • They may view the creation of a child as an achievement and not recognize the serious responsibilities.
  • They become overwhelmed by guilt, anxiety, and fears about the future. (3)

It is important to remain calm and remember that your parental role is to love your son and provide guidance during this delicate time.

Don’t Forget the Other Half

It may seem too late to explain to your son how he gets someone pregnant, but it is a good time to remind him that he is not alone in this experience. Some young men may feel trapped or cornered by the pregnancy. They may have instincts to ignore the reality of the situation. As a parent and responsible adult, you may have to remind him of his role in this situation and direct him to consider the experience of the mother too. 

The mother-to-be is processing her own thoughts and reality. She has a lot to consider and it would be vital to everyone involved if your son were to educate himself on her side of the situation. Helping the mother have a healthy pregnancy (4) can be a great way for your son to be an active participant in the pregnancy and process many of his own thoughts and emotions. He is not alone in this pregnancy, and if he is willing to be a helpful healthy part of the process, then the mother will not be alone either.

IF YOU KNOW THE PARENTS OF A PREGNANT DAUGHTER, FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS ARTICLE WITH THEM:

What To Do If Your Daughter Is Pregnant

Challenges

Teens may face many issues and problems daily. The transition from childhood to adulthood is a perilous time. Every adult has experienced their own gauntlet. Today’s teens face similar trials you may have faced as a teen.  These are amplified through social media and access to a worldwide ocean of opinions. You will need to help him navigate the pressure of regular teenage maturation plus the pressure of parenthood.  Below are a few of the challenges your son may face if he gets someone pregnant.

Emotions

Feelings are a storm for teens on a normal day. Add to the mix the news that your son got someone pregnant, and the result can be a hurricane. The negative feelings such as depression and increased anxiety can be destructive. Teen fathers experience significantly more anxiety and depression than their older counterparts. (5) He needs to know that you love him, that you will love his expected child, and you will be there to support them both.

You will have a range of emotions to contend with as well. Frustration, disappointment, anger, and other negative feelings may come in waves. Other emotions, such as excitement for being a grandparent, love for this growing baby, and other positive feelings will be present as time goes on. Communicate your feelings – positive and negative – with your son.   

Academics

Teenage fathers are less likely to graduate from high school. (6) It is well known that completing a high school diploma or GED is a fundamental building block to a financially secure future. Your son will need your help and possible help from outside resources to remain in school and complete his education.

Support Programs

There have been numerous social research projects over the years which have led to the development of many support programs for teen mothers. Unfortunately, there have been very few support programs developed for teen dads. That is all the more reason why it is essential for you to support and guide your son. Cornerstone is also working to bridge the gap.

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Financial Responsibilities

Every parent can tell you that children mean an increase in expenses. Even before they arrive and go through diapers and formula on a daily basis, there may be expenses related to the pregnancy. Depending on the age of your son and the age of the mother, you may need to be part of discussions about the responsibilities of medical expenses, transportation costs, and other pregnancy-related financial changes. The mother and her family will be discussing these issues and more as they prepare to speak with your son about the pregnancy.

 

Related Reading

Medical Responsibilities

When your son gets someone pregnant, you now know that they are sexually active. You will have to have a talk about whether he and she were monogamous in their sexual activity or if they may have had many sexual partners. It is wise to have your son and the mother submit to STI testing for their health and the health of the baby.

Available Options

In some situations, a father-to-be may believe that ending the pregnancy is the best course of action. He may even discuss this idea with the mother. Your son needs to understand that he cannot pressure or force a woman to have an abortion. Coercing someone into abortion is illegal – state laws may vary, but why risk it? (7) 

Instead, you can direct your son to resources in your local area that will promote the healthy pregnancy and birth of your future grandchild. A wonderful place to start is at your local pregnancy resource center. Many PRC locations offer ultrasounds, parenting classes, counseling, and employment referrals. Ultrasounds can be a significant moment for young fathers to connect to their child. (8)

Post Pregnancy

When your son gets someone pregnant, they both embark on what many hope to be a lifetime journey. The nine months of pregnancy will have their challenges. But even now you must help your son prepare for the post-pregnancy period. In many cultures throughout history, a couple would get married if they were pregnant. Today, 8 out of 10 teen fathers do not marry the mother of their child. (9) Almost half of teen fathers will have a child again by his early twenties, although not necessarily with the same mother. (10) Whether your son and the mother marry or not, they will be responsible for the care and upbringing of a new baby soon. Discuss with your son about parenting. The challenges and the joys. Encourage him and the mother to work on communication, because communication will be key to a successful co-parenting relationship. This may mean taking classes or attending seminars. A local Pregnancy Resource Center can be just the place to start! Cornerstone is a great resource to help a young father prepare for the joys of fatherhood. We also have help for you as a pending grandparent, so come with your son to visit us today!

Sources

  1. Trends in Teen Pregnancy and Childbearing; https://opa.hhs.gov/adolescent-health/reproductive-health-and-teen-pregnancy/trends-teen-pregnancy-and-childbearing
  2. https://psychologybenefits.org/2015/04/22/babies-having-babies-supporting-and-assisting-pregnant-and-parenting-teens/
  3. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/When-Children-Had-Children-031.aspx
  4. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/preg-health.html
  5. Anxiety and depressions in fathers in teenage pregnancy; https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16168019/ 
  6. https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-teen-dads#fn3
  7. https://thejusticefoundation.org/cafa/ 
  8. Preidt, R. (2014, April 30). Pregnancy ultrasound a big bonding moment for dads-to-be. WebMD. Retrieved October 28, 2022, from https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20140430/pregnancy-ultrasound-a-big-bonding-moment-for-dads-to-be 
  9. https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-teen-dads#fn2
  10. https://www.childtrends.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Child_Trends-2012_06_01_RB_TeenFathers.pdf 

 

How To Talk To The Father Of The Baby

Posted on by joeadmin

How To Talk To The Father Of The Baby

You have taken the pregnancy test and found yourself to be pregnant. You share the news with your parents. Maybe with a close friend. You need to talk to the father of the baby. This may be a nerve-wracking proposition, but in this article, we’ll give some tips on how to talk with him about the future. We will discuss how to prepare yourself to deal with toxic and supportive responses.

Process and Prepare

Right now you may have a storm of emotions washing over you. The feelings of shock, denial, anger, and grief can be overwhelming. These are natural. You will want to process your feelings before talking with the father of the baby. This journey of grief over the loss of innocence and the weight of the new reality you find yourself in can be perilous.

When you tell the father, remember that he is at a different point in this journey. His reaction may be similar to yours: shock, denial, anger, etc. His timeframe to process these feelings will be unique to him, not the same as you. Be understanding as he proceeds on this path, and be prepared to give answers and directions as to what is next. Having a strong relationship with your parents or other trusted adults will help you to be prepared. The best approach is to have a plan of action and affirmative statements before talking with him.

His Response To The News

Every pregnancy story is as unique as the individuals who comprise them. When you talk with the father of the baby, remember that he is not you. He has an upbringing and internal compass specific to him. He is male. Depending on his age, he will develop emotionally at a separate pace than you. He is not pregnant. The physical and emotional reality of the pregnancy is much more personal to you. This does not mean he does not care or is incapable of empathy and concern. It means that his response to the news and the journey of the pregnancy will be his own. 

One way to share the news of the pregnancy is to share an ultrasound picture (or video). Often, seeing an ultrasound can help a guy process the reality of pregnancy. An ultrasound moves the baby from an idea to a reality. An ultrasound can help a father-to-be bond with the unborn baby.

Toxic Response To Pregnancy

It is possible that when you talk with the baby’s father you will receive a very negative response. In fact, that response may be downright toxic. In order to prepare for this there are a few things to remember and be prepared to stick to as non-negotiable. 


Define roles – state early that you are making decisions in this pregnancy. While he is welcome to be a positive participant in the pregnancy, the final say will lay with you and your parents. 

Set boundaries – you will set the level of involvement in your pregnancy. In a healthy relationship, an involved father is a wonderful thing. A toxic relationship or toxic response will require that you are steadfast in your beliefs and decisions about your pregnancy. 

Establish responsibilities – the birth and care of a child will involve many responsibilities. Set the expectations for yourself and the father of the baby. Unspoken expectations will lead to disappointments, frustrations, and anger. 

Seek legal protections – some actions and attitudes may require legal interventions to protect you and your baby. Read more about what to do if your boyfriend wants you to end your pregnancy.

Supportive Response To Pregnancy

Hopefully, when you talk with the father of your baby, he and his family will be supportive of your decision to carry your baby. Even if he is supportive, there will still need to be established roles, responsibilities, and boundaries between you two. Clear expectations will help prevent interruptions in your relationship. Work to foster a positive relationship with the father’s family. They will be grandparents soon, and you can expect them to be part of your child’s life in the future. 

Parents can have their own expectations. In some situations, parents may anticipate that marriage will follow childbirth. Marriage can be a wonderful way to strengthen the bond between mother and father and establish a supportive and loving home for the child. But, it must be what you want, and what the baby’s father wants. If you believe that you are being coerced into marriage, there are services available to help you protect your freedom.

Marriage is not the only option available for a positive parenting experience. Some couples may choose to co-parent instead. It is possible to have a healthy parenting relationship with the father of the baby without having to have a romantic one. When you co-parent, the mutual focus of raising a thriving child can unite the mother and father in a common goal. This goal requires open communication, clarity of purpose, and mutually agreed-upon objectives. Parenting is challenging, even for married couples. A good attitude and communication will go a long way to a successful parenting relationship.

Help Him Prepare For Fatherhood

Just as you may be discovering how to be a mother, the young man who is the father of your baby will be discovering how to be a dad. A great place to start is at a local Pregnancy Resource Center. 

Both of you can benefit from a listening ear. Plus, you can learn about relationships, childbirth, and parenting through courses. And that’s not all the resources that are available to you at your local center. You both may need help with finding employment or continuing education so that you can help provide for your baby. Cornerstone can guide you. Being prepared and proactive will help ensure a good relationship with the father and a healthy pregnancy for you and the baby. 

Sources

  1. Summary, A GoodTherapy.org News. “Do Boys and Girls Express Their Emotions Differently?” GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog, 23 Oct. 2013.
  2. Preidt, R. (2014, April 30). Pregnancy ultrasound a big bonding moment for dads-to-be. WebMD. Retrieved October 28, 2022.
  3. Robboy, C. (2022). What are boundaries? Center for Growth Therapy. Retrieved October 28, 2022.
  4. Forced marriage. The AHA Foundation. (2022, October 17). Retrieved October 28, 2022.

What To Do If Your Daughter Is Pregnant?

Posted on by joeadmin

What To Do If Your Daughter Is Pregnant

“I’m pregnant.” Two words you never expected to hear from your teenage daughter. Words that have consequences which will change your relationship with her forever.  Teen pregnancies have been declining in the recent past to record lows (1). But the latest Office of Population Affairs records 158,043 births to teens ages 15-19 years old (2). This means that if your daughter has shared with you that she is pregnant, you are not alone. Wondering What To Do If Your Daughter Is Pregnant? Keep reading.

What to Actually Do if Your Daughter is Pregnant

Have you processed the initial revelation of your daughter’s pregnancy? We’ll cover the stages of grief you may go through before you come to accept the truth of the situation. You’ll equip yourself with resources to educate everyone involved. You’ll locate the services necessary to ensure a healthy mother, baby, and birth. We have gathered some steps and suggestions for you and your daughter. Here are three things to do today: Love, Listen and Learn. 

Love both your daughter and the developing baby which she carries. In the Bible, the apostle Peter instructs us, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8 NIV) Despite what other feelings you experience, let love be at the forefront. It helps you and her smooth the bumps in the road of this challenging expedition. 

Listen to everyone involved. Communication and support are key to a successful pregnancy. Good communication integrates all participating parties. Your daughter, the father, and his family will all have something to say. Have an open ear and open heart to hear what they wish to share.

Read More In Part Two: How To Talk To Father Of The Baby

Read Part Two

Learn what a local PRC has available for you and your daughter. Their services will be a blessing as you and your daughter walk this road together. (More on that later.)

The news that your daughter is pregnant as a teen is difficult. A way to temper that knowledge is with the words of the Psalmist: “Children are a heritage from the Lord.” (Psalm 127:3 NIV)

Grief that Your Daughter is Pregnant

When you hear that your daughter is pregnant, there will be a variety of emotions that you process. Anger. Disappointment. Confusion. These are all part of a larger feeling of grief. The pregnancy of your teenage daughter may cause a sense of loss. For the daughter, it is grief for the loss of possible future plans. How will she complete high school? Is college still available as an option? She will have concerns about the perception her peers have of her. It is natural to worry that she will lose some of those friends because of her pregnancy. Becoming a mother can raise questions about future romantic relationships. Will being a young single mother affect her future dating prospects? 

As her mother, you will be contemplating the loss of your daughter’s opportunities too. From experience, you recognize the challenges of establishing yourself in the world. This extra challenge will make the transition into successful adulthood more difficult. You may have concerns about what other moms think of you. It is possible they see your daughter’s situation as a reflection on your parenting, and this fear will make social interactions difficult.

Finally, there is the grief of her father. There has always been a special relationship between father and daughter. In most men’s eyes, their daughter will always be “daddy’s little girl.” Your daughter’s pregnancy is proof that your daughter has lost her girlish innocence. She is transitioning to womanhood sooner than expected. Sometimes this expedited transition will interrupt the father-daughter relationship. 

Stages Of Grief

The American Psychological Association provides a framework of coping strategies when we grieve. These five strategies are common but not universal.  They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance (3). You may experience all or some of these stages. Preparing for them will help you help your daughter navigate the upcoming pregnancy. 

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Sadness

Acceptance

Acceptance that Your Daughter is Pregnant – A Strategic Approach

The news of a daughter’s pregnancy will initiate a series of emotions and corresponding actions. A thoughtful, planned response will help to mitigate those emotions. It will give guidance to everyone on how to navigate the details of your daughter’s pregnancy. Details such as who, what, when, where, and why can serve as guideposts for you in this process.

Who

The first question will often be “Who is the father?” In most situations there is a boyfriend involved, but not always. You must prepare yourself for whatever the truth of the situation may be. Is the father or his family aware of the pregnancy? Knowing details about the father will help towards a healthy pregnancy and birth. 

What

If the father knows and if his family knows, what were their reactions to the news? Knowing the reaction to this news helps you plan for possible rough times. Was the news met with negative reactions? Are you alone in guiding this young couple through the upcoming months and beyond? What is the attitude of the father and his family?  Knowing their attitude, as well as your own, will go a long way to helping your daughter have a healthy experience.

When

Determining the “when” of conception is vital information. It is certain to help your daughter make informed healthcare decisions. Both for her healthcare and the development of her baby. Many women journal their cycle dates, but that is not enough. An ultrasound can establish the age of the pregnancy – more on that in the next section. 

Where

Are you overwhelmed thinking about unplanned pregnancy expenses? Medical expenses often feel like a barrier to getting the help your daughter needs. Most communities have Pregnancy Resource Centers which will help you and your daughter.  Pregnancy Centers like Cornerstone bridge the gap with cost-free services. 

Community Help

We provide ultrasound, counseling, life skills classes, parent classes and other resources. 

Contact Us

A PRC is an excellent first stop on this exciting journey. 

(If you’re not in the Elyria, Ohio area, a simple search for local pregnancy centers near me should bring up results. Or search your location on optionline or CareNet.)

Why

There are many “whys” when you learn that your daughter is pregnant. “Why her?” “Why me?” “Why now?” Some of these reasons may not be answered. Regardless, the simple fact is that God is the author of life. Each life, regardless of origin, is precious to him and has a purpose (Psalm 139:13-16). It is God’s place to determine when a new life begins.  He is not surprised by the unexpected reality of your daughter’s pregnancy. 

What’s Next

One emotion we have not mentioned so far can be the most important: joy. The joy of being a grandparent should be considered in this process and will help refocus negative thoughts to positive ones. You have probably seen a grandparent out in public with one of those shirts that read, “If I had known grandkids were so much fun, I would have had them first.” It appears a long way away today, but there will be a day when you, your daughter, and your grandchild will enjoy one another and experience joy. You probably didn’t expect to be a grandparent so soon, but grandparents everywhere say it’s fun.

Sources

  1. About Teen Pregnancy, Teen pregnancy
  2. Trends in Teen Pregnancy and Childbearing; Trends
  3. APA Dictionary of Psychology, Stages Of Grief, Stages-of-grief
  4. The Justice Foundation. (n.d.). Center Against Forced Abortions (CAFA). The Justice Foundation. Retrieved October 25, 2022, from CAFA

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.